出國念書之路(1)

想想，還是記錄一下好了。
雖然說不上是什麼值得寫下的事情，(以讀者的觀點來說)
大概也沒辦法給任何人任何形式的幫助，
不過還是趁 勉強記得起來 的時候記下來比較好。

這是篇無聊的流水帳之類的，
沒有想要出國唸書的人大概是一點也不會想看
（有想出國的人好像也得不到太多資訊？）

首先是最重要的：

怎麼找學校。

其實我也是構思了很久（約莫十年）
龜速思考的我過了這麼久也只得到了一個結論:
"我要念 HCI" (Human Computer Interaction)
不是什麼了不起的結論，但的確對後面的路起了很大的作用。

一開始是問了一些貌似在相關領域的人，
例如之前通用設計課的小魚老師及 vgod 等，
總算得到了 HCI 重要期刊是 SIGCHI 這個重要訊息。
再怎麼說也曾發過一篇 IEEE journal，
我心裡打的如意算盤是

"paper 發的多的學校應該就是厲害的學校"

沒辦法，網路上一大堆學校的排名，
都是綜合評比，
從來也沒看過針對某個領域的排名（疑？是不是有商機？）

於是我得到了全世界在 HCI，尤其是 user interface 這領域發表的論文數量排名。
之後就從第一名開始一個一個看。。看什麼呢？

其實我要的真的不多
1. 該校有沒有 HCI 的 program
2. 要念多久(1 年 or 2 年)
3. 學費總共多少
4. 入學條件，主要是 IELTS/TOFEL 要考幾分，以及 GRE（for US）
5. 申請截止時間

說起來簡單，但收集這幾項資訊大概花了我兩三個月的時間
（當然沒有很認真天天看）
這些資訊在不同學校會被放在不同的地方，
很少，非常少有學校把這些資訊整理在一起。
一般來說，一天能完成一所學校就算快的了。

但其實作起來還好，
因為反正英文大概也要準備個兩三個月以上，
因此可以同時進行。
經過這樣的程序，
某個程度上也會對這個學程有更多的認識，
所以如果想出國的話，務必花些時間在這上面。

直接跳到結論好了(反正是篇沒有建設性的文章)
綜合考量後，我總共申請了三個國家的學校:

1. 英國

講真的，申請英國只為了兩個理由

a. 使用 ukeas 的服務

話說，英國這國家為了賺留學生的錢，在很多國家都弄了個 ukeas 的機構。簡單說就是它們可以提供幾乎所有英國學校入學的資訊 AND 申請服務。所以 ukeas 會提供學校資訊，幫忙改 CV/SOP，幫忙申請，幫忙追蹤申請進度，以及其他。最重要的是一切免費!(知道這背後商機有多大了吧)
老實說我就是打算讓 ukeas 幫忙改 CV/SOP 才找它們的，以結果來說，它們的服務也真的很好。但這點跟選擇英國是無相關就是了。

b. 保底

講白了，英國是"只要有申請就會上"。雖然外面有著各式各樣的謠言，但真相只有一個。英國很缺學生，就這麼簡單。
嚴謹點說好了，只要是 ukeas 能幫你申請的學校幾乎就是申請就會上。至於那些 ukeas 不能申請的學校，想當然就是那些 "極度有名" 的學校，例如劍橋阿，帝國理工阿，等等。但英國很多學校在世界上的綜合排名其實都很不錯，加上又只需要一年就可以唸完，所以如果想得到一個有名氣，聽起來很厲害的學位的話，英國絕對是便宜大碗的選擇。

2. 荷蘭

荷蘭學校在台灣其實沒什麼名氣，但我自己的排名中，前十名居然只有一個是荷蘭的學校(另外九個在美國，且台灣人都很知道的有名)。因此做了點功課，發現荷蘭有三個很有名的科技大學(被台灣搞到很 low 的名稱)

TU Eindhoven
TU Delft
TU Twente

因為時間關係，我只申請了 TU Eindhoven 及 TU Twente。
附帶一提的是，荷蘭學校的獎學金通常是全獎，也就是學費全免+生活費。其實歐洲學校大概都是這樣(英國除外)(所以我應該說歐盟學校大概都是這樣)

3. 瑞典

申請瑞典其實只是因為台灣人普遍感覺瑞典是個很重視互動設計的國家(事實上也算是)
瑞典的申請制度很像台灣以前的聯招，就是上傳一樣的資料，最多填四個志願，然後等分發。個人對這樣的制度極端沒有好感，但實作起來很省時間就是了。

4. 歐盟(不是說好三個國家嗎?)

這邊說的歐盟並不是指 Erasmus Mundus(有做功課的話就會知道這是什麼)。我說的是 EIT ICT，基本上是所歐盟的學校，簡單說呢就是兩年要在兩個位在不同國家的學校念。聽起來很有吸引力，而且~~

學費非常低!!!
獎學金(如果有的話)非常高!!!

學費多低呢?大概只有一般學校的一半!!
獎學金多高呢?學費當然學免，生活費一個月 1000 歐，還有安家費 3000 歐，另外還有很多其他!!

這麼好的學校，聽說 2011 還是 2012 才開始的，前面一兩年還因為沒名氣招不到人，只要填了名字，什麼文件也不用上傳就給你入學加獎學金的啊!!(現在完全不是這麼回事)

嗯 真的要開始了喔

在經歷一個多月緊湊的生活後，
（這邊的緊湊指的是緊湊的玩/休息/念書/跑文件/搬家）
終於踏上從未踏過的歐洲土地。
其實也沒有一定要到 Alan 家住的，
可是我就是想要回憶一下那段背包客的生活，
那段總是一邊打擾人，一邊建立情感的生活。

在 Alan 家的生活很愜意，
每天就是想想要去阿姆斯特丹的哪邊玩，
有時候入戲太深，背包客模式整個啟動，
一天走個十幾公里才驚覺自己幹嘛這麼累。
但回到一個人走跳，無所事事隨意閒逛的日子，
讓我回想起了 1770 的 Kai，以及那段在 Canberra 的時光。

時間到了後，
我搬進了學校的 studio，
買了該買的日用品，
該買的腳踏車，
該辦的手機，
也煮了該開始自己煮的食物。

可想到明天，嚴格來說就是今天，
就要去學校註冊了。
學校有個為期兩週的 introductory program，
其實還滿好，尤其對我們這些 international student，
可以省去很多麻煩的事情。
但。。。

心中還是有不安。

本打算早睡的，卻還是開了新買的 genever。
雖說經驗法則是明天肯定是會順利的度過的（99.99%以上的機率）
但就是會擔心，會不安。
再怎麼說，也離開學校十年了，
客觀來說，的確是為自己創造了個最好實現夢想的機會，
但，真有那麼簡單嗎？

好吧，別想太多，
永遠別忘記自己是誰就好了。

Time to Say Goodbye

NV 的 receptionist 問了我 "離開會覺得難過嗎？"
我看了一下，是個認真又單純的眼神。

於是決定說謊。

"還好啦，離職就是這樣的阿"
然後優雅的落荒而逃。

離開的路上，
我想起四年前從澳洲回來的我，那時的自由自在。
我想起那時在綠島被 NV 找到的我，有點意氣風發。
我想起我在 NV 跟義隆都是待了四年多，
都當過一年很棒的福委（真的作的滿好的喔）
都成立了一個很棒的社團（手足球社 & 調酒社）

我想起了這三次離職之間的關係，
好像都是為了很相似的原因，
放棄了很相像的什麼，
把自己一次又一次的 reset（這次可以說是格式化了）
然後去追尋那旁人眼中不敢相信可以當做目標的目標。

第一次的離職是放棄了一棟房子的頭款，一個可能當上小主管的機會。
只為了不想被綁兩年。
於是離開 RD 的舒適圈，跳進 design service 的行業（還被副總訕笑）

第二次的離職是放棄了一群很好的工作伙伴，一個我很欣賞（可能也很欣賞我）的主管。
只為了要在 30 歲前去澳洲打工度假。
於是離開了很開心的工作環境，買了前往澳洲的單程機票（出發前還順便面試上 NV 又不去）

這一次的離職則是放棄了在世界頂尖公司的工作，一個我很欣賞的美國老闆，一份非常好的薪水。
只為了要對自己負責，自己去完成自己的 bucketlist。
於是離開了令人依依不捨的工作，前往荷蘭念 HCI，踏上新的人生旅程。

我想，我真的是個難以被滿足的人。
好在，我有個總是全力支持我的喵。

Always on the side of the egg

By Haruki Murakami


I have come to Jerusalem today as a novelist, which is to say as a professional spinner of lies.

Of course, novelists are not the only ones who tell lies. Politicians do it, too, as we all know. Diplomats and military men tell their own kinds of lies on occasion, as do used car salesmen, butchers and builders. The lies of novelists differ from others, however, in that no one criticizes the novelist as immoral for telling them. Indeed, the bigger and better his lies and the more ingeniously he creates them, the more he is likely to be praised by the public and the critics. Why should that be?

My answer would be this: Namely, that by telling skillful lies - which is to say, by making up fictions that appear to be true - the novelist can bring a truth out to a new location and shine a new light on it. In most cases, it is virtually impossible to grasp a truth in its original form and depict it accurately. This is why we try to grab its tail by luring the truth from its hiding place, transferring it to a fictional location, and replacing it with a fictional form. In order to accomplish this, however, we first have to clarify where the truth lies within us. This is an important qualification for making up good lies.

Today, however, I have no intention of lying. I will try to be as honest as I can. There are a few days in the year when I do not engage in telling lies, and today happens to be one of them.

So let me tell you the truth. A fair number of people advised me not to come here to accept the Jerusalem Prize. Some even warned me they would instigate a boycott of my books if I came.
The reason for this, of course, was the fierce battle that was raging in Gaza. The UN reported that more than a thousand people had lost their lives in the blockaded Gaza City, many of them unarmed citizens - children and old people.

Any number of times after receiving notice of the award, I asked myself whether traveling to Israel at a time like this and accepting a literary prize was the proper thing to do, whether this would create the impression that I supported one side in the conflict, that I endorsed the policies of a nation that chose to unleash its overwhelming military power. This is an impression, of course, that I would not wish to give. I do not approve of any war, and I do not support any nation. Neither, of course, do I wish to see my books subjected to a boycott.

Finally, however, after careful consideration, I made up my mind to come here. One reason for my decision was that all too many people advised me not to do it. Perhaps, like many other novelists, I tend to do the exact opposite of what I am told. If people are telling me - and especially if they are warning me - "don't go there," "don't do that," I tend to want to "go there" and "do that." It's in my nature, you might say, as a novelist. Novelists are a special breed. They cannot genuinely trust anything they have not seen with their own eyes or touched with their own hands.

And that is why I am here. I chose to come here rather than stay away. I chose to see for myself rather than not to see. I chose to speak to you rather than to say nothing.

This is not to say that I am here to deliver a political message. To make judgments about right and wrong is one of the novelist's most important duties, of course.

It is left to each writer, however, to decide upon the form in which he or she will convey those judgments to others. I myself prefer to transform them into stories - stories that tend toward the surreal. Which is why I do not intend to stand before you today delivering a direct political message.

Please do, however, allow me to deliver one very personal message. It is something that I always keep in mind while I am writing fiction. I have never gone so far as to write it on a piece of paper and paste it to the wall: Rather, it is carved into the wall of my mind, and it goes something like this:

"Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."

Yes, no matter how right the wall may be and how wrong the egg, I will stand with the egg. Someone else will have to decide what is right and what is wrong; perhaps time or history will decide. If there were a novelist who, for whatever reason, wrote works standing with the wall, of what value would such works be?

What is the meaning of this metaphor? In some cases, it is all too simple and clear. Bombers and tanks and rockets and white phosphorus shells are that high, solid wall. The eggs are the unarmed civilians who are crushed and burned and shot by them. This is one meaning of the metaphor.

This is not all, though. It carries a deeper meaning. Think of it this way. Each of us is, more or less, an egg. Each of us is a unique, irreplaceable soul enclosed in a fragile shell. This is true of me, and it is true of each of you. And each of us, to a greater or lesser degree, is confronting a high, solid wall. The wall has a name: It is The System. The System is supposed to protect us, but sometimes it takes on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others - coldly, efficiently, systematically.

I have only one reason to write novels, and that is to bring the dignity of the individual soul to the surface and shine a light upon it. The purpose of a story is to sound an alarm, to keep a light trained on The System in order to prevent it from tangling our souls in its web and demeaning them. I fully believe it is the novelist's job to keep trying to clarify the uniqueness of each individual soul by writing stories - stories of life and death, stories of love, stories that make people cry and quake with fear and shake with laughter. This is why we go on, day after day, concocting fictions with utter seriousness.

My father died last year at the age of 90. He was a retired teacher and a part-time Buddhist priest. When he was in graduate school, he was drafted into the army and sent to fight in China. As a child born after the war, I used to see him every morning before breakfast offering up long, deeply-felt prayers at the Buddhist altar in our house. One time I asked him why he did this, and he told me he was praying for the people who had died in the war.

He was praying for all the people who died, he said, both ally and enemy alike. Staring at his back as he knelt at the altar, I seemed to feel the shadow of death hovering around him.
My father died, and with him he took his memories, memories that I can never know. But the presence of death that lurked about him remains in my own memory. It is one of the few things I carry on from him, and one of the most important.

I have only one thing I hope to convey to you today. We are all human beings, individuals transcending nationality and race and religion, fragile eggs faced with a solid wall called The System. To all appearances, we have no hope of winning. The wall is too high, too strong - and too cold. If we have any hope of victory at all, it will have to come from our believing in the utter uniqueness and irreplaceability of our own and others' souls and from the warmth we gain by joining souls together.

Take a moment to think about this. Each of us possesses a tangible, living soul. The System has no such thing. We must not allow The System to exploit us. We must not allow The System to take on a life of its own. The System did not make us: We made The System.

That is all I have to say to you.

I am grateful to have been awarded the Jerusalem Prize. I am grateful that my books are being read by people in many parts of the world. And I am glad to have had the opportunity to speak to you here today.

milestone

約莫十年前
在那不太願意回想的時間點
毫無緣由
我在敦南誠品買下了人生中第一本 peggy 的書，以及第一本村上春樹的書。

當時的大叔，當然已經是個成名作家
而 peggy，是個去 MIT 念書的理工科女生
坦白說，那時會買下 peggy 的書完全只是因為那本書寫著我心目中的聖地 MIT。

想不到後面這兩位都變成了生命中那種
-可以毫不猶豫買下- 的重要人物
說起來截至目前為止
也只有這兩位符合這樣的條件。

喔，很有趣的是
peggy 也是村上大叔的粉絲
後來還寫下了跟著大叔的書一起去旅行的書
而我也跟著 peggy 的這本書去東京作了宿命性的旅行
不過那也是後記了。

這邊要說的是
在買下 MIT 那本書的同時
其實心理是很有股衝勁去 MIT 一探究竟 + 一圓夢想的
坦白說還寫過幾封信給 peggy
希望她能夠給點 什麼
信的內容幼稚到我自己都想不起來
而 peggy 也理所當然的沒有回信。

就這樣過了十年
而我的心境也從放棄（可能有偷偷怪罪為何沒人幫我一把）
到一分鐘就寫下了 bucket list，
到去了澳洲
作了很多證明自己的事情
也成功的一次，又一次，再一次的證明了自己的能耐
終於在喵去美國念書之後
把心理存了十幾年的 什麼 給整合起來
開始申請學校
而這次打算一口氣完成 2.5 個列在 bucket list 的項目。

奇蹟的是
在這個時間點 peggy 出了新書
而且分享會我還可以參加（錯失了無數次）
但仔細想想，若是之前的自己恐怕也沒那個自信去參加吧
雖然講不明白原因，但總覺得如果沒準備好就去參加的話
自己的心會被 什麼 給挖走一大塊，再也補不起來。

於是參加了台北場
又參加了小班制的竹東場
還厚著臉皮要了之前的海報
竹東場的分享會莫名變成了品酒會
居然有個朋友跟我說了好有道理的話
"因為是你參加的阿"
 （ㄟㄟ  我又沒帶酒，只是很捧場的認真喝而已）
但這六個小時的分享會
確確實實在我生命的前半場畫下了一個完美的句點。

就像那時候在澳洲的最後一天遇到第一天到澳洲的 Amanda，然後邊吃烤雞邊聊了我的澳洲經驗。
就像那時候在新加坡明明沒有計畫，跟遠在 Canberra 的 DD 聊了半小時就行程滿滿。
就像那時候澳洲回台後不想找工作，天下就掉下了叫我去綠島潛水換宿的工作。
就像在綠島的那天掃地掃到一半，NV 的 HR 打電話問我要不要去工作。

這個句點畫的真好，真圓滿。

我偷偷的從 peggy 身上擷取了些類似實現夢想  或是幻想的東西
那些不總是美好  可就是好想好想做的勇氣
為了實現
熱到把頭放進冰箱也好的無所謂。

有個假說是這樣的
"人會吸引跟自己類似味道的朋友"
所以如果發現身旁的人都很無趣
最有可能的原因就是因為自己就是那麼的無趣
反之亦然
真心希望這個假說是真的。


（2014.3.22 夜。下半場即將開始）